


I Can't Get Used To Living Without You By My Side

by orphan_account



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Bisexual Steve Harrington, Brief mentions of verbal abuse, Dustin comforts him, Gay Awakening, Gay Dustin Henderson, Happy Ending, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Post-Season/Series 03, Really they just kiss, Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington Friendship, Robin has excellent gaydar, Steve has a nightmare, Technically not really underage? The age of consent in Indiana is 16 and Dustin is 18, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:47:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24015430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Steve has been called a number of things in his life. Some good, mostly bad, from people who came and went in his life like ever changing waves on a beach that’s not going anywhere.But he would do it all again if it meant that he gets to say that he has been called Steve by Dustin, the boy who means the world to him, who he couldn’t imagine living without, and who he knows feels the same about him.
Relationships: Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington/Dustin Henderson
Comments: 5
Kudos: 52





	I Can't Get Used To Living Without You By My Side

**Author's Note:**

> So I tagged it as underage, but they don't get romantically involved until Dustin is almost 18, and the age of consent in Indiana is 16. 
> 
> There are brief mentions of verbal abuse and nightmares, too. 
> 
> Title taken from "I Want to Break Free" by Queen.
> 
> I hope you like it!

Steve has been called a number of things in his life. Some good, mostly bad, from people who came and went in his life like ever changing waves on a beach that’s not going anywhere. 

He has been called a bastard by his father, a man who was never around to see any good Steve did, who wished desperately for a better son. Someone smarter, someone more talented, someone who followed the path laid for him by his father. Someone who was goal orientated, surrounded by people he could manipulate and use as pawns, focused on success, focused on having a pretty blonde wife with a couple of kids and a big house. He has been called a bastard because he wasn’t the perfect image of masculinity that his father wished for, but instead kept his hair long, his skin fair, his features soft. His father wished for someone harder and tougher, who won every fight he got into, used harsh words to dig into his opponents even deeper, and didn’t care about their feelings. He wished for someone who didn’t feel, would rather have money and fortune than happiness and love. He has been called a bastard because he was the image of everything his father despised. 

He has been called a disappointment by his mother, who came and went with his father, who was never around to bandage Steve’s cuts and bruises or give a hug. She wanted someone smarter too, someone who could have the perfect life in a quaint town and provide the life she had to another young woman. She wanted a son who could keep a girlfriend longer than a few months, who could marry his high school sweetheart, who didn’t taint their last name with escapades and scandalous rendezvous in dark parking lots with his car and some girl. She wanted a son who excelled in school, sports, and keeping friends. She wanted her son to be everything her husband was, and he was called a disappointment because he was everything his father wasn’t. 

He has been called bullshit by Nancy Wheeler, the first girl he ever thought could be The One, who tore his heart out and handed it back to him on a silver platter. She wanted someone kinder, who didn’t carry around the weight of being the perfect only child, who didn’t have to pretend to be anyone other than themselves. He has been called bullshit because he tried to love a girl who was smart, and pretty, and was really going places, and he wasn’t. He has been called bullshit by a girl who he loved enough to throw himself into hell for, to face an actual demon with nothing more than the clothes on his back and a baseball bat with some nails in it, all to be traded in for Jonathon Byers a few months later. She wanted someone different than Bullshit Steve, and that’s what she got. 

He has been called a slacker by his teachers, who were traded in every year for a new model that was really the same, who didn’t seem to understand that he was trying. They wanted him to be smarter, try harder, and figure out how to get the letters on the page to make sense. They wanted him to embrace the potential that was apparently hiding inside, wanted him to be a little more present. They wanted to tell him to stop being so stupid, but because they couldn’t, they called him a slacker. 

He has been called King Steve by his peers, who saw money and status and an empty house in the rich part of Hawkins, who didn’t really care if he was happy or not. They wanted him to pay for things, be rich, be a douche, and let them take what they want from him. They called him King Steve because he was empty and numb, and it made him a jerk, and that was the person they liked. He has been called King Steve by Billy, who took a name that made Steve proud once (only because his father finally seemed to be proud) and made it ash in his mouth. Who took that name and threw it back at him alongside his fist, who threatened his children, who almost killed Steve. He has been called King Steve by people who didn’t realize Steve really wasn’t a king, but rather a lost kid trying to be everything people want him to be and then so much more. 

-

“Dusty!” Claudia Henderson yelled over her shoulder, down the hallway, with an unmistakable hint of fondness in her voice keeping it from sounding angry. She turned back to Steve, standing on their patio, an apologetic smile on her face. “I’m so sorry Steve, you know how he gets. Thank you for taking him again, really, it’s just so... so thoughtful of you. It’s just so hard sometimes, you know? Taking care of him all by myself, trying to keep up with his activities and what not. You’re such a big help, really Steve. Are you sure I can’t get you anything else?”

As she spoke, Steve could hear the sound of Dustin rushing around his room, picking up and dropping things as he searched for whatever he was missing, a steady stream of “Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit” coming out of his mouth. A triumphant laugh floated down the hall, and then Dustin was coming down the hall. He smiled when they made eye contact over his mom’s shoulder, and then he was ducking into the kitchen to grab whatever else he'd forgotten. 

Steve smiled fondly, stepping up to give her a hug. “I’m sure, Claudia. And you really don’t have to get me anything. Everything you already do is more than enough. Taking Dustin is just me paying you back for it.” 

She just laughed, rubbed Steve’s back as she pulled away, then reached up a hand to touch his cheek. “Oh, my boys,” she said as Dustin came up. She laughed and gave Dustin a hug, then kissed both their cheeks. “Alright, Dusty, have fun sweetie!”

He grinned and nodded enthusiastically, turning to Steve and doing their secret handshake. 

“Come on Steve, get a move on!” He shouted as he bound towards Steve’s car. “I’m going to be late!”

Steve scoffed. “Oh really? And whose fault is that nerd?”

Dustin just cackled and slid into the passenger seat like it’s home, which after the past few months, was beginning to feel more and more true. They had settled into a steady rhythm since the chaos of the past three years, since the Russians and the inter dimensional monsters and even the human monsters had gone away again. Steve and Dustin spent pretty much every day together after school got out, whether it was at one of their houses, at the arcade with the rest of the Party, at Family Video with Robin, or wherever the day's adventure took them. Wherever Steve went, Dustin went. Wherever Dustin went, Steve went. Steve drove him practically everywhere- he took him to school on his way to work, drove him home after his shift ended and Dustin was finished with Science Olympiad or AV Club or whatever he was doing that day, brought him to his friends… Everywhere. He joined the Henderson’s for dinner at least twice a week, spent the night at their house every Saturday, sat with Dustin while he did homework, and gave him relatively useless advice about high school that Dustin usually ended up not using, but listening to because it was Steve. 

Steve knew it probably wasn’t normal to spend as much time with the 14 year old freshman as he did, especially when he should really be in college and he was very much an adult now. But Steve wasn’t going anywhere, stuck in this small town with only one friend who was his age and no glimmer of a future. He sometimes thought, just maybe, that when Dustin went to college he would too. By then he’d have enough money saved up and he’d be free to do whatever he wanted once he was 23 and away from his parents’ not so subtle hints that he should be taking over the family business for his father. 

But that was another conversation for another day that Steve didn’t want to think about. Instead, he put on his sunglasses, turned on the car, and drove with his best friend next to him, rambling on about something for the Science Olympiad competition that he didn’t understand in the slightest. But it made Dustin happy, so Steve was happy. 

-

The day Dustin realized he was gay, it was a hot day the summer after freshman year. Him, Mike, and Lucas had decided to go to the Hawkins Community Pool to beat the hundred degree heat, and were lounging on the side when they spotted the girl who became the topic of conversation for the next half hour. 

She was across the pool, wearing a red bikini that he honestly couldn’t believe was staying on. His other two friends were going on and on about how hot she was, taking bets about how old she was and if she’d give them the time of the day, but he found that he couldn’t get into the conversation. He could barely even look at her. His eyes were instead drifting over to the guy who was obviously her boyfriend, all tan skin, chiseled pecs, brown hair, and short swim trunks that showed off muscular thighs. 

“What do _you_ think Dustin?” Mike asked, turning to find his gaze still fixed on the other side of the pool. 

Lucas scoffed. “He can barely keep his eyes off her. He’s been staring this whole time… She’s smokin’, huh?”

Dustin just hummed absentmindedly, still ogling at the guy. “Yeah. Smokin’.” He blinked. “You know what, I just realized I told Steve I’d meet him at work and help him with the numbers. See you guys!”

And then he was gone, leaving a confused Mike and Lucas in his wake. As he rode his bike to Family Video, he thought about the girl and her boyfriend. He wasn’t really surprised to find that he wasn’t all that wowed by her. Obviously, she was pretty, but Dustin wasn’t having the same reaction to her that his friends were; he never seemed too, no matter who it was. He _was_ a little confused by his thoughts about her boyfriend, but as he thought back on his life and lack of girlfriends, it made more sense. It wasn’t that there were never girls who liked him- he’d had a fair share of girls who had flirted with him, had thought he was cute in a nerdy, boyish way and had asked if he wanted to go see a movie or something with them. He always said yes but it was always awkward, more so than the normal first date experience- he never had anything to say, never knew what to do when they grabbed his hand or leaned in closed. No, he mused. It wasn’t that the girls didn’t like him, but rather that he never really liked them. 

At least until Suzie, who had been able to keep up with his mind and jumps from one topic to another. She had been pretty and kind and smart, and Dustin liked her a lot. But when they had kissed, he hadn’t felt those sparks that Mike, Lucas, and even Will (once he moved away to a new town where he wasn’t plagued by memories of a funeral for a boy who wasn’t dead) had described. He didn’t feel the joy of having her curves pressed up against him as they kissed in the woods after lights out, and he wasn't really curious about what she looked like under her baggy camp clothes. 

He had always been appreciative of the guys he knew were attractive, though. He knew that there were boys in his grade and at his school who he’d looked at and thought were good looking- he’d just never _really_ thought about it. He remembered looking at Billy who was undeniably very attractive. There was a reason he had pulled all the chicks in, and Dustin had understood why they fawned over him: he was an absolute _dick_ (he beat up _Steve…_ several times), but he was a hot dick. He remembered getting out of the car at Camp Know Where, meeting his counselor, and thinking that it wasn’t fair how hot he was. 

And then there was Steve, who Dustin had always thought was pretty good looking- he had nice features and good hair, and he had seen on more than one occasion that he was pretty ripped under those sweaters he wore. As he thought about Steve something heavy and twisted settled in his gut- something Dustin hadn’t felt before, but remembered Mike and Lucas talking about when they first revealed that they had crushes on El and Max. 

So no, he thought as he rode his bike towards Steve (ignoring the squeeze in his gut as he thought about him), he wasn’t surprised he was more curious about what kissing that guy would be like. He wasn’t surprised that he was more curious about what feeling his strong muscles against him would be like. And when he whispered to himself, “I’m gay,” he wasn’t surprised to feel as though something inside him clicked into place. 

He walked into Family Video, a huge smile on his face, ready to shout the news out to Steve and Robin, but stopped short. The twisted knot in his stomach squeezed and his breath caught in his throat at the sight before him. Steve was sitting on the counter, leaning back on his hands lazily with his ankles crossed, laughing at something Robin had said. He was beautiful and carefree, as if none of the shit with the Upside Down had ever happened. 

Something else in Dustin clicked into place as he looked at his best friend, relaxed and smiling and lit up by the sun, and thought, _Oh. That’s what it’s supposed to be like. That’s what Mike and Lucas felt._

Steve and Robin looked up when he walked in and Steve smiled even wider. “Hey bud! How are you?” He jumped off the counter and walked over to the younger boy, wrapping him up in a big hug that had Dustin reeling. 

“Hey Steve. I’m… I’m fine.” His voice came out pinched and small, and he cursed himself. 

“You sure?” Steve leaned back and looked at him intently, eyes scanning him as if searching for injury. 

Dustin shrugged off the hand that was on his shoulder, the touch too much to bare, and moved toward the counter. “I’m fine, Steve. Hey Robin.”

“Hi nerd,” she smiled lazily, flicking her fingers in a mock salute. 

“Hey, bud, not that I’m not happy to see you, but aren’t you supposed to be at the pool? Thought I was picking you up there at 5:30. It’s, uh… it’s 3. Did something happen?”

Dustin paused, debating if he should tell Steve. It wasn’t that he was worried he wouldn’t accept him- obviously, he’d accepted Robin with open arms and without a second thought. It was that this was Steve, who had just rendered Dustin speechless with one glimpse of him looking relaxed and happy. Steve who, Dustin was realizing, he had always kind of had a crush on. But then, he rolled his eyes at himself. This was also Steve, who was his best friend, who had been there when he didn’t have anyone else to tell about the creature that had just eaten his cat, who made pancakes for him and his mom every Sunday, who didn’t have any other family besides those he chose. 

“Actually, yeah. Something did. I realized something.”

Robin looked up with a knowing quirk of her eyebrow, and Dustin realized somehow she _knew,_ even before he did.

“What is it bud?”

She gave him a small nod and quirk of her mouth, and Dustin looked at Steve. He took in the earnest eyes and soft smile on his face, ignored the tightening of the knot in his gut, and with a deep breath said, “I realized that I’m gay. Today. Just now,” he added. “At the pool.”

Steve blinked, then smiled and hugged Dustin again. “Oh wow. That’s great, man! What happened? Come on, tell me!”

And as Dustin sat there on the counter with Steve and Robin, telling them what happened, with Steve’s arm sling around his shoulders, the knot gave another squeeze. 

And when he thought, _I love you, Steve Harrington,_ the knot loosened just enough that he could breathe again. 

Then he pushed it aside, because this was Steve, who was good and didn’t need to deal with a 15 year old kid’s crush. 

-

A few months after Steve turned 22, Dustin sat down at the counter as he made them dinner and said something that stopped him in his tracks. 

“Steve, I think you need to look at going to college.”

Steve stopped chopping the tomatoes for their pasta sauce, and looked up at Dustin with wide eyes. “What?”

“I think you need to look into college,” his 17 year old best friend repeated gently. 

“I- What? Why?” 

Dustin flinched a little at the hurt in his voice. “I’m not saying it to be mean, Steve, you know that right? I’m just thinking that you graduated three years ago. And you were good for a while there, you know? You had Jonathon, Nancy, and Robin, but now… They’re all gone. And I just… I’m worried, Stevie.”

He had a point, Steve knew he did, but it still stung. Jonathon had finally gotten enough money to go to NYU with a nice scholarship, Nancy had gotten into Columbia, and Robin had moved to West Lafayette to go to Purdue. All of his friends had moved away, and Steve was still in Hawkins, the 22-year-old who worked at Family Video and hung out with 17 year old kids who were juniors in high school. He was a failure, he knew it, and his parents never shied away from telling him, but he couldn’t bring himself to apply anywhere. 

“I can’t,” he muttered, noticing his hands beginning to shake and setting down the knife so that he didn’t cut himself accidentally. 

“Why not?”

 _Because I don’t want to leave you. Because I don’t want you to grow up and forget me. Because I can’t leave this town until you do. Because I’d die before I left you alone in this town where everything bad that could happen does. Because I’m scared the minute I leave you a gate is going to open up and you won’t have anyone to protect you,_ he thought. 

“I’m not smart enough,” was what he went with instead, shrugging. 

“Bullshit.”

“Dustin-“

“No! Steve, that’s bullshit. You are smart. You were just… focused on other things during high school, and by the time you pulled your head out of your ass you were busy saving my ass from monsters and getting beaten up by Billy, and it was too late to change them.”

“Yeah, well I can’t exactly tell colleges that and get in out of pity, Dustin!” he snapped. He took a breath and looked down when he saw his best friend's hurt expression. “I’m sorry, it’s just… Don’t you think I haven’t thought about that? That I don’t want to get out of this town like Robin or Jonathon and Nancy? I’m just… I’m not smart enough, and I don’t know what I’d do, and at this point my parents won’t pay for me. They’ve basically disowned me, man. I’m just a house sitter for them- that’s the only reason I still live here. And I just… I don’t have the grades to get in anywhere fancy like them.”

“Who said it has to be fancy?”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t have the grades, I get that. You don’t have the money right now, I get that too. But who said you need to go anywhere fancy, or out of state, or even further than a few towns away? What about a community college, to get your general classes out of the way, figure out what the hell you want to do with your life, and then transfer somewhere in a few years when I go to college?”

Steve looked at Dustin, jaw dropped. 

“How’d you-“

“Know that I’m part of why you haven’t left this town yet? Stevie, you’re my best friend. I know these things. And… Robin may have mentioned something to me.”

“You talked to _Robin_ about this?” he asked in disbelief. "Unbelievable. What a little fucking traitor!"

Dustin threw his hands up. “She brought it up! I’ve just been thinking about it on my own. Listen, though, Steve,” he said, suddenly serious. “I’m not trying to get rid of you. You are more important to me than anyone. The thought of being without you… kills me, honestly. But you deserve so much more than this shitty town, and shitty people, and a shitty job. So if you go to community college, get some stuff out of the way, and figure out your life a bit, you are one step closer to getting away from all of this and getting what you actually deserve. And if it means that I don’t see you as much for a while, then that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. I just want you to be happy, Stevie.”

Steve blinked back the tears threatening to spill, and looked at Dustin. “You know what kid… maybe you’re right. I just… I’m scared,” he confessed. “I’m scared of not being enough. Smart enough, good enough. And I’m scared of leaving you alone in this town. I’m scared something will happen, a gate will open or something, and you’ll have no one here to save you. I’m scared something will happen to _you_ , and I won’t be here to help.”

Dustin stood up and walked around the kitchen to wrap his arms around Steve. “Oh, Steve… Don’t worry about me, bud. You’ve done enough of that for the past… what? Five years? You’ve been looking out for me since seventh grade. It’s my turn to look out for you, okay? You need this. You deserve this.”

Steve’s heart ached at his words and he closed his eyes. He absorbed Dustin’s words, let them sink in, felt them in every muscle, bone, vein, and cell. He let the reassurance of finally being _enough,_ of being _believed in,_ wrap him up and comfort him. He let himself believe it, and once he did he let out a broken, “Okay.”

Dustin’s wide smile made everything worth it. 

-

That night, Steve lay in bed thinking about that conversation. He thought about Dustin, and wondered when he had gotten so grown up. He had gotten taller, filled out a bit, and was now almost as tall as Steve. He still had that boyish look to him that Steve loved so much, but it had gotten a little sharper, a little more manly. He’d had some boyfriends, nothing serious (it couldn’t be in a small town like Hawkins), but enough to give him experience with dating and sex (the thought of Dustin with anyone made Steve feel sick, and he wasn’t quite sure why). He had always been mature- had to have been, facing hell when he was only 12- but now he seems like he has wisdom beyond his years. Steve wants to think it’s all the excellent advice he’s given, but he knows it’s not really. It’s that it was just him and Claudia for so long and Claudia needed someone to look after her as much as Dustin needed someone to look after him. 

Steve lay in bed, and realized that the person he called kid wasn’t really a kid anymore, but was almost an adult, and had been looking after Steve all this time when he thought _he_ was looking out for Dustin. 

Steve lay in bed and realized that Dustin was growing up, but he still wanted Steve around. He was growing up and going places, and he wanted to bring Steve with him. 

The thought brought a smile to his face. 

-

Steve was working his usual shift in Family Video, stacking discs on the shelves, when the door swung open and the bells above it jingled. 

“Hello, welcome to Family Video, I’m Steve. How can I help you?” He said as he stood up. He looked up, saw a worn pair of red chucks and a faded Bowie shirt, and couldn’t help the smile that split across his face. “No fucking way,” he laughed. “What the hell are you doing here, Buckley?”

“Hey, dingus. I heard today was a big day so I thought I’d come and see it for myself… Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington, finally off to college…” Robin grinned, running at him just to fling her arms around him. “It’s so good to see you, dingus. I miss you.”

Steve just laughed, picking her up and swinging her around. “I can’t believe you, coming all this way just to see proof I actually did it.”

“You don’t honestly think I’d believe _Dustin,_ do you? I simply had to see my baby boy all grown up.”

“Shut up, Buckley…” He sighed and smiled fondly. “You want to see it?”

“Were we kidnapped by Russians? Yes I want to see it!”

“Alright, alright, let me get it.” He got his acceptance letter from his bag and handed it to her with a flourish. “One acceptance letter to Ivy Tech Community College in Indianapolis, addressed to Steve Harrington.”

She grinned as she read it, reaching up to ruffle his hair. “Look at you, dingus. Actually leaving this shithole, huh?”

His grin faded a little bit and he shrugged. “Yeah, I mean. I just…”

She bumped his shoulder with hers. “Dustin?”

“Yeah. It’s just, uh… I worry, you know? I know he’s almost 18, and that he doesn’t technically need me around anymore, it’s just that we haven’t had a single day in 5 years where we haven’t seen each other. We go everywhere together, do everything together. He’s… he’s my best friend, you know? And I worry about him. I’m always scared that something is going to happen to him when I’m not there. That another gate will open, or more Russians will show up, or… I don’t know. I just worry that everything will go to shit if I’m not here. And I’m just going to miss him, plain and simple.”

Robin was quiet for a minute. “I get it, Steve. Leaving home is… It’s tough. Especially here, where there’s all this secret shit that goes down that everyone else is oblivious too. And you feel responsible for him-”

“It’s not that I’m responsible for him, Rob, it’s that…” he frowned, unable to find the words to describe what he felt. “It’s that when I’m with him, everything is better. It’s so easy to be around him. It’s impossible not to smile when I’m with him. But he also just… he gets it. He gets me. He knows when I’ve had a bad day, when I need comfort or a distraction. He knew exactly what to say to get me to do this- to fill out this application and finally get my life on track. He makes my life worth living, you know? But it’s not just that. I need to be here for him. I need to be here with him to look out for him, to be a shoulder for him to lean on because the rest of the kids are little _shits_ who don’t realize how good he is. I want to be here to make sure he gets what he deserves, because god knows he’ll put aside his own wants to make sure everyone else is okay, but besides Claudia who makes sure he’s okay? And I’m just... I’m just going to miss him, because he’s my best friend, and I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without him.”

Robin was silent again, and then she asked tentatively, “Steve, are you… are you in love with Dustin?”

“I- what?” Steve stared at the girl, brown eyes wide as saucers. “Why would you… why would you say that? I’m not gay.”

She held her hands up. “I’m just saying, Steve,” her voice gentle, “that yes, you’re best friends. But those feelings? Those fears? Those aren’t really… platonic. You and I? We miss each other. We talk at least twice a week, we try to see each other as often as possible, and it sucks that we aren’t together everyday anymore. But in the end, you’re okay with me gone.”

“Robin-” 

“Shhhh, it’s okay! Because I’m okay without you too. But you without Dustin? You’d… you’d be a mess.”

“I’d rather die,” Steve murmured. 

Robin hummed in agreement, and leaned against Steve. “Listen, maybe you aren’t, and I’m just projecting. But maybe… maybe think about it? And think about your life, and just… the possibility?”

Steve went silent, staring at his hands, and Robin knew she’d done her job.

-

Steve once again laid in bed thinking about a discussion, but this time, the implication of that conversation. He couldn’t get Robin’s words out of his head- they echoed around in the silence of his empty house, floating around his head, filling his thoughts.

_“Are you in love with Dustin?”_

Steve knew he loved Dustin, and he loved him a lot. He would die for him- had thought he was going to on more than one occasion. And yes, the thought of him leaving for college devastated him, more so than the thought of Mike, Will, or Lucas leaving. But that was to be expected, right? The other three were little shits (okay, that wasn’t fair- Will was a good kid too, and not nearly as much of a shithead as Mike and Lucas), and Dustin was… Dustin.

He was the kid who Steve would do anything for. He had used up gallons of gas driving him around town, even if there was nowhere they needed to be and they just wanted to get out of the house. He’d been there for every one of Dustin’s birthdays- had gotten him the things his mother couldn’t find or couldn’t afford, had been there to see him blow out the candles when all of his other friends had bailed. He had cooked hundreds of meals for him and Claudia, had been there for Taco Tuesday and Spaghetti Saturday. He’d been there for Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, every holiday his parents couldn’t be bothered to come home (and that was all of them, really). He’d fixed things in their house so that Claudia didn’t have to pay a handyman and had gone with them when they adopted Tews. He’d helped Dustin bury Mews, for god’s sake, and had faced hell with him more than once. He’d been there when Dustin got through advanced calculus in mere minutes, had checked his answers for him, and had grinned when he told his curly haired friend he got every single one right.

He’d been there the night of the SnowBall in 1984, when no one had danced with him except Nancy (that had been the thing to heal some of those raw wounds between them- anyone who protected Dustin was good in Steve’s books), and had seen the tears that fell after. He’d been there for every awkward date, where Dustin wondered what the hell was wrong with him. He was the first one Dustin told about being gay, the first one he told about his first kiss with a boy, the only one he told about the boyfriends he’d had. 

God, Dustin’s boyfriends… He’d been jealous whenever those boys came into Dustin’s life. Jealous that he was spending time with them instead of Steve, even though it was really just a few hours a day when they were together. He’d been jealous that someone else was putting a smile on Dustin’s face. He’d been jealous that he’d been able to sit in someone else’s passenger seat, window rolled down and feet up on the dash. He had been happy when Dustin and whatever boy he was with eventually broke up- not happy that he was sad, but happy that he was the most important person in Dustin’s life again. Happy that he was the one to bump his shoulder into Dustin’s and tell him it would be okay, to be the one to provide comfort and distraction. 

Steve then thought of Nancy, and how it felt to be with her. He’d been protective of her, that was for sure; he had lost his damn mind when they were fighting the demogorgon, felt fear racing through his veins as he tried to protect her against this monster. He’d wanted to protect her from real monsters, yes, but also the human ones who lurked around school, like Tommy and Carol. 

Being around her had made him genuinely happy for the first time in a while, had felt his heart skip when she smiled at him or shyly let him see her the way no one else had. He’d done everything he could to show her he loved her, had changed himself to be with her, and had been heartbroken when she left him. 

He had burned with jealousy when he saw her with Jonathon and couldn’t stand to think of the two together, lashing out at him when he got the chance (this had stopped after a while- clearly, her and Jonathon were meant to be together). 

Steve returned to Dustin, and realized that if he had fought like a bear to protect Nancy, he fought like a dragon to protect Dustin. He had dropped _everything_ to help him with Dart, partly out of fear that he would get hurt, partly just from the sheer need to spend more time with him. He had wanted to strangle every girl in that gymnasium in ‘84 that had refused to dance with him, had wanted to shake them by the shoulders and make them see what he saw. He could have killed the boys who broke Dustin’s heart, or the people who hurt him by calling him names. 

If being around Nancy made him happy, being around Dustin brought unfiltered joy into his life. He couldn’t recall a time in his life where being around someone felt so right, and being away from them tore his heart up. He’d give anything to see Dustin smile, and loved it when he was the one to make it happen. The best thing, though, was that Dustin liked being around Steve no matter who he was- he took Steve at his worst and his best, and never asked him to change. 

Steve’s mind turned to where it never had before, where he had never let it for some reason. He thought about Dustin kissing some faceless boy and jealousy washed over him. He saw red as he pictured someone else being the one to make him smile or laugh, someone else getting to see every side of Dustin Henderson there was. Steve imagined Dustin living the rest of his life with someone who wasn’t him, and he felt nauseous. 

He took a deep breath and replaced that faceless boy with himself and his stomach fluttered. He imagined kissing Dustin and getting to tangle his fingers in that curly mop of hair and a small smile spread across his face. He imagined getting to lay with Dustin pressed close against him, their fingers lazily intertwined and limbs tangled. He pictured that for the rest of his life, and was struck by a deep sense of belonging and yearning. 

Steve had been there for every joy and triumph, every sorrow and tear. And slowly, Steve realized, he had fallen in love with Dustin, and he hadn’t even realized. And now, he couldn’t imagine living the rest of his life without Dustin.

-

Steve woke up early the next morning, sweaty and shaking after a fitful night of sleep where his dreams were plagued by Dustin and monsters from another dimension. He stumbled out of bed, only one thought on his mind, which was to make sure he was okay. He clumsily punched in Dustin’s phone number and shifted anxiously, waiting for him to pick up. It was on the last ring when the line connected, and Dustin’s voice was in Steve’s ear, all raspy and tired sounding. It made his mouth go dry.

“Hullo?” Dustin said.

“H- Hey, Dusty,” Steve stuttered. 

“Steve? What’s going on? Why are you awake so early?”

Steve paused, then said carefully, “I had a bad dream. I just needed to make sure you were okay.”

Dustin was quiet for a while before he responded, “I’m okay Steve. I’m gonna come over, okay?”

“No, no you really don’t have to, I’m fine, really!”

“Steve, I’d be there in a few hours anyways, okay? I’ll just come over now and we can hang.”

Steve let his shoulders slump and his head thud against the wall. “Yeah, okay. See you in a few.”

“Sure thing, Stevie. Bye.” 

The line went dead and Steve stared at the phone in his hand, wondering what the hell he had gotten himself into. Knowing he still had time until Dustin got here, he dialed Robin’s number. He knew she’d hate him for waking her up, but he needed her advice.

“I swear to god, if this is Steve Harrington-”  
  
“Hey, Robin,” he huffed a laugh. “I’m sorry, I know it’s early-”

“Yeah, no shit, dingus.... What’s up?”

“I had a bad dream about Dustin and the uh… the monsters, and I called him to make sure he was okay and now he’s coming over.”

“Okay?” She questioned, and he could picture her nonplussed expression, one eyebrow arched. “Why is this a problem, exactly? Don’t you spend like… every minute together anyways?”

“I- Well, it’s… It’s complicated, okay Robin?”

“Uh huh, well I don’t really know what you want me to do-”

“I don’t want you to do anything, I just want you to tell me what to do about the fact that last night I realized that I’m in love with him!” 

There was rustling, as if she had sat up in shock, and laughed. “I knew it! I knew it, Steve, you’re so.... Wait, what do you mean what do you do? Tell him!”

“I can’t do that!”

“And why not?” 

“Because!”

“Because why?”

“He’s my best friend!”

“Really? You’re gonna pull this shit? Okay. Listen dingus, here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to spend the day with him, like you normally would, and not say anything until it feels right. Maybe he gives you _a look_ , or some shit boys do, I don’t know, and then bring it up. And if it doesn’t come up like that, at least tell him that you’re bi. Maybe he’ll make the first move that way?”

Steve nodded and let out a breath. “Yeah, I guess… I guess I can do that.”

“Listen, Steve, no chickening out, okay? It’s Dustin. Even if he doesn’t feel the same, which I highly doubt there’s not even a glimmer, he’s going to let you down easy.”

“No I know, okay, it’s just… How are you so sure that he feels something too?”

She laughed. “Because I’ve seen him look at you the way you look at him.”

He was silent, mind reeling, when there was a knock on his door. “Fuck, okay. He’s here. Thank you Robin, you’re the best.”

“I know dingus. Now go get him.”

Steve took a breath, jumped a few times, and let Dustin in.

“Hey Steve, you alright?” 

“Yeah, just shaken up,” he murmured, eyes raking over him. He realized it was the first time he had seen him since his grand revelation about his feelings and he took the time to really look. He was obviously sleep rumpled, normally messy hair an even more tangled mess and wearing a shirt Steve knew for a fact he had seen on the floor by the dirty clothes yesterday morning. He was tired, rumpled, and a mess, and Steve had never seen anyone so beautiful.

“-pened? Steve? Steve?” He was asking.

“I- sorry, what?”

Dustin sighed. “I asked what happened. In your dream.”

“Oh...Uh, it was the uh, the Mind Flayer. Instead of taking Hargrove, it took you.”

“Shit. Well, I’m here, okay? I’m right here with you, and I don’t really plan on going anywhere.” He fell quiet for a moment. “Do you want to talk about it more? Or should I just distract you?”

And Steve wants to talk about it, but he knows if he starts talking he won’t be able to stop, and he’ll tell Dustin everything, but _fuck,_ he isn’t ready to do that. He thinks about Robin urging him to tell Dustin about his revelation and his heart is heavy with guilt when he says, “Just distract me.” 

He tries not to think about all the dirty images that _distracting him_ conjures up in his mind as he does- Steve, on his knees for Dustin. Dustin pressing him against the wall with his new found height and caging him in until he’s hard and gasping and desperate. Tangling his fingers in his hair. Dustin, sucking hickeys into his neck so that everyone in this small, shitty town knows that Steve is _his_.

“Alright. First things first, pancakes. I’m starved.”

And just like that, Steve is yanked out of his private fantasies and dropped right back into his entryway, where Dustin is heading into the kitchen to grab everything he needs to make Steve pancakes. He’s talking a mile a minute about how when he got home yesterday he had found Tews eating his Calculus II homework and had to redo all of it, but then Tews spent the rest of the day vomiting and Dustin had to scrub cat puke out of the carpets. It was disgusting, and hilarious, and just so _Dustin_ that Steve’s brain, which had been racing and overthinking since he woke up, finally calmed down and let him focus on how glad he was to have Dustin in his corner.

They spent the rest of the day like that, in easy domesticity, watching movies and playing cards and sitting outside with their jeans rolled up and feet dangling in the pool. They messed around in the kitchen, making cookies and grilled cheeses and eating more junk food than was good for them. Their conversation was light and happy, and it let Steve forget about his nightmares and crush on Dustin (that was actually _so much more_ ) and shitty parents and monsters and the fear of leaving Hawkins in a few months. 

As the evening set in and the sun was beginning to set, though, Steve was restless. He had been at his house all day and longed to go somewhere, anywhere, so he looked at Dustin and asked if they could go for a drive. He didn’t have any particular destination, but it felt good to be in his BMW with the windows down, Dustin in the passenger seat with his feet up on the dash, singing along loudly to the mixtape Steve had made him so many years ago as one of the lessons on girls (obviously, it ended up not mattering because Dustin discovered boys were entirely different than girls, at least in Hawkins, but the mixtape stayed because _“Steve, you made it for me”_ ). He decided to just let his subconscious direct them, and eventually they ended up at the top of the quarry, at the outlook that looked over the water towards town and the setting sun that set the sky ablaze with pinks and yellows and purples. Steve shut off the car but let the music keep playing, grabbed the blankets and can of beers he kept in the trunk (alongside the bat with the nails in it), and hopped onto the hood of his car. 

Dustin joined him on the hood and Steve grabbed a beer. He opened it, stared at it for a moment, then held it out to Dustin. “I’m trusting you, okay? Cause you’re almost 18, and if you’re going to drink underage, then you’re gonna do it with me.”

He let out a laugh and grabbed the bottle. “I know Steve, you tell me this every time.”

His lips lifted in a half smile and he looked away towards the sunset. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

They sat in comfortable silence, the sound of Howard Jones singing about how he wants her and she wants him floating from the open windows. It seemed to be mocking Steve and he took a heavy drink of his beer. 

By the time Dustin broke the silence, the sun had gone down and Steve had gone through three beers. He wasn't drunk, but his head was fuzzy and he regretted it when Dustin asked, “Steve? I know you didn’t want to talk about it earlier, but will you please tell me what happened in the dream? It must have been bad for you to call me, and I’m just worried. I just want to help. So will you tell me about it?”

Steve hummed and fiddled with the empty bottle in his hands. “I uh… We were in the mall. It was exactly the same but instead of Hargrove being flayed, it was you.” His voice broke on the last word and tears prick at his eyes. He took a deep breath and kept going. 

“It was… You were flayed, but I could still tell you were there underneath it all. Underneath all those threatening whispers to El and everything you had done, I could still see you there, behind the empty gaze. I was talking to you, trying to get you to snap out of it. Telling you about your mom and the other dipshits and that time we stayed out all night to see the midnight premiere of The Goonies and then roasted marshmallows and swam until morning. I finally got through to you, and then…” He choked and then he was crying and only distantly aware that Dustin had grabbed his hand. 

“I finally got through to you and then the Mind Flayer, it just ripped you apart. Straight through the chest, just like Billy. I rushed to you and ripped you away from it but I was… I was too late. You died in my arms, Dustin. Just like that, the best thing in my life was taken from me. And I-” Steve was blubbering now, but Dustin was there, hugging him and he couldn’t stop talking, “-I couldn’t _help_ you. I got there too late and you were gone and then I woke up and I couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t, and so I had to call you because I couldn’t handle the idea of living without you by my side.”

It was more than he wanted, or meant to say, but Dustin’s breath hitched and he pulled Steve closer to him and squeezed a little tighter. “Hey, Steve, I’m here now, okay? I’m okay.” He took Steve’s right hand, the one he had busted protecting him from Billy Hargrove that night at the Byers’, and placed it over his heart so he could feel his heartbeat. “Feel that? That’s my heartbeat. Feel how strong it is? How steady it is? I’m alive. I’m right here with you, safe. You always protect me Steve. You always keep me safe. You keep all of us safe, and you did so well that night. We’re all okay.”

Steve shifted more towards Dustin so that their knees were touching, both of Dustin’s hands keeping Steve’s right placed over his heart and his left bracing himself against Dustin’s thigh. He let the touch ground him and pull him back to the moment with Dustin, on the hood of his car under the night sky. He focused on the sound of Dustin’s breathing, on the strong heartbeat underneath his fingers, the warmth of his skin against him- everything that told him he was okay, he was there, and he was _alive_. As Steve regained his senses and the panic faded away, he felt Dustin’s heartbeat racing. 

He huffed out a wet laugh that was more snot than he’d admit. “Your heart is racing, Dusty.”

Dustin was quiet and mumbled, “Yeah well, you tend to do that to me.”

Steve looked up sharply, eyes wide and searching his face. “W-what?”

Dustin laughed humorlessly. “I’m surprised you never noticed before, really. It goes wild when I’m near you. Always has since I realized I had a crush on you.”

Steve’s brain felt like it was short circuiting as he processed what he was hearing. “I- Wha-” he said dumbly, still knee to knee and hand to chest with Dustin. _He had a crush on him. Dustin had a crush on_ **_Steve_ ** _._ The thought made him giddy as he grinned at Dustin, but he was looking down in what Steve realized was embarrassment.

He just shook his head. “Look, I shouldn’t have said anything, especially not right now. It’s fine, Steve-”

“Dustin,” Steve urged, squeezing Dustin’s thigh, trying to get him to just _look_ at him. 

“-I know you don’t feel the same, I know that I’m just some kid who saw _someone_ he could trust outside of Nancy Wheeler’s house one night and never let you go after that, and that we’re best friends-”

“Dustin.”

“I’ve tried to get over it, really, but I just… I can’t because you’re so _you_ and no one else is and that’s why I’ve broken up with everyone else I’ve ever been with-”

“ _Dustin_!” Steve shouted, taking his left hand and grabbing Dustin’s chin with it so that they were making eye contact. “Would you stop for a second and listen to me?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I’ve done so well keeping it under wraps and not acting on it and I don’t want to ruin anything because you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me-”

Steve just shook his head, smiled fondly, and leaned forward and kissed Dustin. It was awkward as Dustin tried to figure out what was happening, torn between wanting to keep talking and also giving into the gentle press of Steve’s ( _Steve’s!_ ) lips against his. He gave in after a moment though, closing his eyes and kissing him back. It was just a gentle kiss, but to Steve it felt like his world was ending and beginning and continuing all at once. It felt right and safe and happy. It felt like coming home.

He pulled away eventually, leaning his forehead against Dustin’s. “I have a huge crush on you, too,” he exhaled. 

“Since when?”

“I think a long time. But honestly? I figured it out yesterday.”

Dustin laughed, a sound that filled Steve’s heart so quickly he thought he might burst. “Yesterday? Steve…”

“No, I’m serious, Dusty. I… I thought about it a lot, and just… Nothing feels as right to me as you do. Every single thing about you is just… So right. You are the first person I think of every morning, and the last before I fall asleep. When you’re not around me, it’s like every cell in my body is telling me to go to you, to be with you, to keep you near. I meant what I said earlier; I can’t imagine ever living with you by my side. I don’t want to. I have always loved you, Dustin, but somewhere along the line I fell _in love_ with you, and I was too dumb to realize it until yesterday. But you… You’re all I want. You’re my everything.” 

Dustin giggled, a joyous, bubbly sound, and his cheeks were bright pink. He shot forward to press a chaste kiss to Steve’s lips _because he could_. “I can’t believe this is happening. I can not believe this is actually happening, Steve. I have been in love with you for two years, and I never thought that you’d… You feel the same!”

Steve laughed too, leaning into Dustin harder. “I do! I… I love you, Dustin Henderson. I am in love with you.”

“I’m in love with you too, Steve Harrington,” Dustin grinned, leaning forward to kiss Steve again. It was hard because they were both smiling so hard, but it was everything they had both been wishing for. “Fuck, I love you Stevie.”

Steve grinned and tugged at his hands, scooting back up the hood. “Come here and cuddle me.”

Dustin clambered back onto the hood, laying on one of the blankets and pulling Steve onto him so that his head was on his chest and their legs were intertwined, then covered them with another blanket. Steve pulled his right hand up and placed it over Dustin’s heart. He answered with a kiss pressed into his hair, and hummed with content.

“You know,” he mumbled as he looked up at the sky and rubbed his hand up and down Steve’s arm, “I never thought I’d be here.”

“What, at the top of the quarry?”

“No, here with you in my arms, all giggly and kissing and... you know?”

Steve hummed, kissed him again, then settled back down. “No, I know… this is something that I never thought would happen. I mean, I had my great epiphany yesterday after talking to Robin, and it honestly broke my heart because I thought I’d never have a chance with you. And I wasn’t even going to tell you, was just going to tell you I’m bi or something, and be done with it. But then you told me that you’ve been in love with me for basically forever and I had no clue. I mean, we’ve just missed so much time together because I was too blind to see it.”

“Well, I’m glad I told you then cause you’re it for me, baby. You’re the only one I could ever picture myself ending up with. And it doesn’t matter if we missed time, because I’d like to spend everyday with you, and I’d like to do it with you as my boyfriend. So… what do you think? You want to be my guy, Stevie?”

Steve sat up abruptly, his smile shining in the moonlight. “Yes. Yes, Dustin, I want to be your boyfriend. I want to be your boyfriend for the rest of eternity. I love you so much.”

Dustin laughed and kissed Steve firmly. “I love you too, baby. So much. You’re my everything.”

Steve leaned to meet Dustin for another kiss, and as they made out, he realized vaguely that the music had stopped, but he didn’t even care, because he was wrapped up under the moonlight with Dustin, his _boyfriend,_ and he _loved_ him, and everything was right.

They were safe, they were in love, and they had the rest of their lives to get used to living with the other by their side.

-

Steve has been called a number of things in his life. Some bad, but mostly good, from a man with wild curly hair and freckles and soft skin who kissed him like the sun kissed the sand everyday on the beach with no thoughts of stopping anytime soon. 

He has been called Stevie by Dustin, the boy who looked out for him when no one else would. Who accepted him for everything he had to offer, even his jumbled up words and nightmares and shitty relationship with his parents. Who didn’t want anyone other than who Steve was that day, who didn’t expect him to be anything or to change for him. Who took everything Steve had to offer and handed it right back. Who supported Steve, who helped him get out of nowhere Hawkins and an empty house and into a bustling city, where their apartment was full of memories and laughter and love.

He has been called baby by Dustin, the boy who kisses him like it’s the only thing he wants to do. Who kisses him hard enough that it still leaves him breathless and reeling and feeling as though he’s falling, but it is always there to catch him and give him stability again. Who touches him as if he’s the prettiest thing he’s ever seen, who knows exactly where to touch him to make him keen and cry and go absolutely nuts. Who cares for Steve as if it’s the only thing he has to do, who knows him better than he even knows himself. Who tells him he loves him and means it every time, who makes it known through kisses and touches and simple actions like cooking grilled cheeses and cookies when he needs a reminder that they made it out of Indiana. 

So yes, Steve has been called a bastard, a disappointment, bullshit, a slacker, and King Steve. But he would do it all again if it meant that he gets to say that he has been called Steve by Dustin, the boy who means the world to him, who he couldn’t imagine living without, and who he knows feels the same about him. 

**Author's Note:**

> I have never written anything this long in my entire life, so hopefully it's okay! Thank you for sticking around this long if you got this far.
> 
> The Howard Jones song referenced is "No One Is To Blame"


End file.
